Where was God at Panda Express?

I was on my way to a rather unique event. Last night a small group of us from the seminary community gathered at Dr. Mark Baker’s home for an evening discussion. Our topic? Songs from the U2 catalog. On my way I stopped for a quick fast-food-fix at Panda Express. But what I experienced in the parking lot left me asking questions of God in a way the Psalmist (and Bono) might have – “How long, oh Lord, how long?”

Strolling through the dark parking lot I saw a man and a woman shouting and arguing as they stood next to their vehicle. The woman was holding a car seat with a tiny infant in it. The man came over and grabbed the car seat from the woman, who in turn tried to steal the carrier back into her possession. Adrenaline surged through my system as I watched the angry couple literally use the car seat as a kind of rope in this inhumane tug-of-war. My only hope was that the carrier might actually be empty. Nope—the helpless child started crying as the man finally wresteled away the car seat and threw it in the back of the vehicle.

I kept my distance and had my phone handy in case the situation turned even more violent. “Please be careful, don’t hurt the baby,” I shouted two or three times. I went unnoticed as the couple continued fighting. Several people walked in and out of the restaurant barely aware of what was transpiring. I turned my eyes away briefly to scan the scene. Was I on one of those reality shows? Was John Quinones going to jump out of the bushes and explain this was just a set-up for a news program? Not this time.

The man tried to leave without the woman, but after several more minutes of shouting and another attempt on the woman’s part to take the child from the car, they all (including the woman) got into the car and sped away.

Though I didn’t have much of an appetite anymore, I ordered some orange chicken and sat down to reflect. Full of both sadness and anger I quickly pulled out my bible and turned to a Psalm I had read a couple of mornings ago.

Psalm 94
1 The LORD is a God who avenges.
   O God who avenges, shine forth.
2 Rise up, Judge of the earth;
   pay back to the proud what they deserve.
3 How long, LORD, will the wicked,
   how long will the wicked be jubilant?
 4 They pour out arrogant words;
   all the evildoers are full of boasting.
5 They crush your people, LORD;
   they oppress your inheritance.
6 They slay the widow and the foreigner;
   they murder the fatherless.

21 The wicked band together against the righteous
   and condemn the innocent to death.
22 But the LORD has become my fortress,
   and my God the rock in whom I take refuge.
23 He will repay them for their sins
   and destroy them for their wickedness;
   the LORD our God will destroy them.

There are times when I want God to do the thing that his very nature calls him to do but he chooses not to do for reasons that at times like these make no sense. How long, oh Lord? When will you judge those who are evil and oppress the helpless? When will you repay them for them for their selfish acts of violence and wickedness?

At the Baker’s house we reflected on theology, liturgy, politics, history and more as we listened to music from U2. Each person brought a selection to listen and think through. It’s pretty hard to talk about U2’s extensive collection of songs without talking about lament. Matthew brought us one that became timeless for me in that moment. “Mothers of the Disappeared,” from The Joshua Tree, tells the story of women who lost their husbands and sons under the brutal dictatorship of Augusto Pinochet in Chile. For fifteen years (1974-1990) the US-backed ruler suppressed political opposition by arresting and torturing dissidents and their families. These agitators were often taken in the middle of the night and became known as “the disappeared.”  In an awe inspiring moment, the band played the song in Santiago, Chile, in 1998, at which time the actual Mothers came on stage and called out the names and held up the pictures of their missing loved ones.

Midnight, our sons and daughters
Were cut down and taken from us
Hear their heartbeat
We hear their heartbeat

In the wind we hear their laughter
In the rain we see their tears
Hear their heartbeat
We hear their heartbeat

Night hangs like a prisoner
Stretched over black and blue
Hear their heartbeat
We hear their heartbeat

In the trees our sons stand naked
Through the walls our daughters cry
See their tears in the rainfall

The infant in the car seat was no less important to me that night than those who had suffered under the violence of Pinochet. And my angst for one small human being was an attempt to validate a life that, according to all statistical analyses, will encounter great difficulties and never amount to much. “We hear their heartbeat.”

As I sat in the Panda Express wondering where God was in all of this, I nibbled at my food and decided to take most of it home for another meal. Walking through the exit door and returning to the chilly air of the parking lot, I was immediately approached by two small boys, about 10 years old, on bikes. “Mister, do you have any change? My brother and me are hungry.” Really? The same parking lot? Two more neglected children? I sat them down at an outside table, gave them my leftovers, got them some drinks and napkins and talked with them for a few minutes. It’s all I could do. I was completely spent. I got in my pickup and headed out of the parking lot, winding my way to the corner street light. And there the two boys were, already back on their bikes heading down one of the busiest streets in Fresno, covered by the black and blue of a dark night.

We hear their heartbeat.

 

 

Comments

[Karen Huckaby]

bittersweet might be too loose of a word for describing the angst that occurs in knowing that the most beautiful of things and the most horrific of things can happen simultaneously in the same city. or block. or parking lot. or wherever.

I'm super glad you were there for both instances. I just keep trusting that He keeps using little people like us to bring the heartbeat of Jesus to protect the heartbeat of others.

[Linda]

Beautiful post. But so very sad. These are the things that shake my faith in a good God. Did the Psalmists ever direcly question God's goodness? I can't recall any instances. If I were writing psalms now, I think this would be a recurring topic for me.

[Tim]

Karen, "Little people." I like that. We are all little people with little theologies and little pracitices of the kingdom. How great it would be if we would stop this constant quest to be big and great and cutting-edge, and just focus on seeing what God is placing in front of us in little ways everyday. Good thoughts. -Tim

[Tim]

Linda, one of the reasons I love the Psalms so much is the liberty that these ancient prayers bring. In the Psalter I am given permission to doubt, plead, and disagree with God. The psalms are unique because they are humanity's best attempt using human expressions and human metaphors to engage God directly. Oddly, what leaves me most hopeful in my pain and anxiety is that the largest category of Psalms is "lament." Amazing! Why do we not practice lament in the church? The Hebrews did. Many of the psalms were written in captivity after the temple had been destroyed and Jerusalem was devastated, amidst suffering, chaos and injustice. Thus, the poet cries, "My soul is in deep anguish. How long, LORD, how long?" (Ps 6) and "How long, LORD? Will you forget me forever?" (Ps 13). And, too, the psalmist accuses God of not acting in timely and just ways on behalf of the poor (Ps 94). The psalmist is very nearly cussing God out. The Hebrew poets accuse God of withholding his goodness and infer that evil prospers because he does not act. And God doesn't smite the author down for doubt. He doesn’t censor the psalmist’s contentious accusations. This is the good news for us questioners, doubters and contenders. I often tell people to scream, yell and accuse him. God can take it. There is something that is far worse than doubting God—not talking to him at all. Thanks so much for the comment. Please write some Psalms and share them with us. Bono did! (See "Wake Up Deadman" http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=o6vNQf_tne0)

[JP Salamanca]

I am reminded of the times when Jesus was in Gethsemane and praying, with great sorrow and lament, if God could possibly pass this purpose to someone else because of all the pain He was feeling at that moment - as long as it's what God would want (Luke 22:42-44).

As human beings, we see many grave injustices all the time. Of course, the worst part is when you witness it and feel like there's nothing you can do about it, for any multitude of reasons. As a personal instance, when I was in Iraq, that's what opened the doors to me later developing PTSD, is feeling unable to stop the chaos around me.

There is a part of your story to me that I think is really important to get, also tying into your "God In The Neighborhood" projects currently in effect. There is a gambit in the tracklist of No Line On The Horizon that I love: Moment Of Surrender - Unknown Caller - I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight - Get On Your Boots. It's a movement from communicating honest sorrow and allowing all kinds of release, to God communicating, to letting God communicate through you, until finally you act.

In the situation you described, you saw this couple neglecting the safety of their own newborn child. Two other children were neglected without food on their tables at home. And we naturally ask God like the character in the song Moment of Surrender,"What exactly is going on, where are you Lord? These people need You, I need You - give me vision over this visible suffering I see!" We fall on our knees trying to find those answers, maybe trying to pass that cup, wishing to take up those pains for those people or wondering where God is to stop it.

But the really special part is when God calls us up, as in Unknown Caller. Even in our own suffering or watching others suffer, we're occasionally contacted and led by God for a purpose (just FYI, I've never had text messages from God...although I wouldn't mind. =D), asked to "shout it out, rise up!"

And I'll Go Crazy If I Don't Go Crazy Tonight, and Get On Your Boots to me in relation to the previous two songs, is about taking that encouragement from God, and acting - "Listen for me, I'll be shouting, we're gonna make it all the way to the light
but you know I'll go crazy if I don't go crazy tonight," or simply "LET ME IN THE SOUND!"

Here I'm pretty much arguing that sometimes, expressing lament allows us to show our reverence and trust with God, that we want to be honest and be faithful in coming to Him with these supplications - and also sometimes, He responds to our lament with an expectation for us to do something. Just when Jesus asked God,"If it's possible, pass this job to someone else...but not what I want, what do you want?" and the answer was,"You've got to do it, Son," and it was so. And sometimes, all this happens in a single instant, and we're left in a single flash of time finding ourselves with God acting and speaking through us without even realizing it.

So, as in the title for this blog entry, where was God at Panda Express? Well...who was yelling trying to get that couple to think of their own child, calling out to stop that terrible situation? And who helped out those kids who were in need at the time, as their bellies ached with hunger and wondering if there would ever be food for that single night? For all intents and purposes, God was there - and He was working through you, Tim.

Don't worry about the couple not listening, realizing what they were doing, and simply losing their minds in the middle of a public place. Remember,"No one is blinder than he who will not see."

God bless! (PS I'd post one of my own Psalms but this comment has already went overboard with space!)

[Tim]

JP, very well stated. I think you have a good sense of how God works in this world -- through us! Yes, you and I are both the hands and feet and voices of Jesus. Thanks for the testimony about the songs from NLOTH. Check this older post out for my experience with "Moment," "Unknown," and "Crazy": http://timneufeld.blogs.com/occasio/2009/09/my-ego-is-not-the-enemy-or-why-i-havent-blogged-in-four-months.html
Thanks for the comment. -Tim

[WALLACE27Maria]

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